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The Hat and The Hair-Animated Episode 12: Allies

Posted by CPRM | Dec 11, 2018 | Hat and Hair | 275

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About The Author

CPRM

275 Comments

  1. Riven on December 11, 2018 at 11:04 am

    And God bless CPRM, too.

    • CPRM on December 11, 2018 at 11:13 am

      I AM America.

      • Riven on December 11, 2018 at 11:17 am

        Yes.

  2. SoberPhobic on December 11, 2018 at 11:11 am

    Hey Joe, get a grip on yourself.

    • CPRM on December 11, 2018 at 11:28 am

      Musical accompaniment.

    • MikeS on December 11, 2018 at 12:06 pm

      As soon as he starts to make a move, someone needs to nip it in the bud.

  3. Old Man With Candy on December 11, 2018 at 11:15 am

    “That sounds like a sex move.” It is indeed.

  4. Not Adahn on December 11, 2018 at 11:23 am

    🙁

    Posting these during the workday is mean.

    • But Enough About Me on December 11, 2018 at 11:27 am

      Oh, I dunno — out here on The Wet Coast™, posting them during the workday is about the only way we get to see these things in a timely fashion. Otherwise, we always end up corpse-fucking a dead thread.

      • commodious spittoon on December 11, 2018 at 11:32 am

        Facebook has banned thread necrophilia.

        • SoberPhobic on December 11, 2018 at 11:36 am

          What’s a “workday”?

          • But Enough About Me on December 11, 2018 at 12:04 pm

            What’s a “workday”?

            Well, yes, there is that.

            /retired d00d

      • Not Adahn on December 11, 2018 at 11:37 am

        Pshaw! People don’t work on the west coast, they just wander around eating from taco trucks and having bonfires on the beach. Sometimes they surf the internet from frosted-glass cubicles in silicon valley.

        /media representation of CA

        • commodious spittoon on December 11, 2018 at 11:41 am

          I was promised a great deal of public defecation. Was that fake news, too?

          • MikeS on December 11, 2018 at 11:51 am

            If you want shit to get done, you have to do it yourself!

        • But Enough About Me on December 11, 2018 at 12:05 pm

          I live 30 klicks inland, and in Canada, so I got nuthin’.

          • dbleagle on December 11, 2018 at 1:02 pm

            Out in Hawaii. Threads are frequently on life support by the time we wake up.

          • MikeS on December 11, 2018 at 1:03 pm

            Get a job on the grave yard shift and follow along at work like everyone else! (except Rufus)

  5. kbolino on December 11, 2018 at 11:27 am

    Top notch supporting cast in this show.

  6. Tundra on December 11, 2018 at 11:33 am

    That was great!

  7. Sean on December 11, 2018 at 11:35 am

    I enjoyed it.

  8. commodious spittoon on December 11, 2018 at 11:40 am

    The trial I might have sat for yesterday was rescheduled for this morning. lol. Oops.

  9. Don Escaped Texas on December 11, 2018 at 11:43 am

    Speaking of home-grown content, what topics do we need to cover (or cover more)?

    HM wrote the other day that he preferred we went more philosophical.

    • commodious spittoon on December 11, 2018 at 11:47 am

      Could we get John McAfee to guest post an article describing his ten greatest PCP benders?

      • Rhywun on December 11, 2018 at 12:05 pm

        Jesus… get him on video. That would be epic.

      • CPRM on December 11, 2018 at 12:15 pm

        Kmele/McAfee 2020

    • UnCivilServant on December 11, 2018 at 11:51 am

      I don’t come here for philosophy. I come here for the random and varied expertise in real matters represented in the commentariat.

      And the punning.

      • MikeS on December 11, 2018 at 11:55 am

        When you pun, you just Plato the base instincts of the commentariat.

        • pistoffnick on December 11, 2018 at 1:13 pm

          I Kant even…

          • Jarflax on December 11, 2018 at 1:15 pm

            What the Hegel?

          • Bobarian LMD on December 11, 2018 at 1:48 pm

            I was gonna say something about making a n ass when you ass Hume.

            But then I took an arrow to the Nietzsche.

            I’ll see myself out.

          • CPRM on December 11, 2018 at 1:53 pm

            Just go work at the Mill like everyone else and quit complaining that someone ate your sweet roll.

          • Scruffy Nerfherder on December 11, 2018 at 1:54 pm

            I’m giving everyone here low Marx for originality.

          • MikeS on December 11, 2018 at 2:01 pm

            I’m surprised UCS hasn’t Comte pun

          • R C Dean on December 11, 2018 at 2:21 pm

            But then I took an arrow to the Nietzsche.

            I think we have a winner.

        • R C Dean on December 11, 2018 at 1:22 pm

          When it comes to punning, the commentariat will definitely bring home the Bacon.

          I expect Swiss will Locke this down soon enough, though.

          • Jarflax on December 11, 2018 at 1:25 pm

            Definitely a lockdown is in Descartes

          • Not Adahn on December 11, 2018 at 1:31 pm

            I don’t know why he disapproves of such displays of Wittgenstien.

    • Drake on December 11, 2018 at 11:56 am

      Sounds crazy but as I start to think about retirement or at least a career change, I find myself tempted to buy a small farm.

      Any farmers or ranchers out there, would love to hear about it. Cash flows, taxes, strategies to be self-sufficient and maybe make some money. And what are the bonehead mistakes a rookie might make.

      • Riven on December 11, 2018 at 11:58 am

        Bonehead mistakes a rookie might make: get into hobby farming during retirement.

        • commodious spittoon on December 11, 2018 at 12:03 pm

          A buddy of mine risked his marriage after he convinced his breadwinner wife to invest in some land about ~40 minutes out of town. Turns out boutique, organic farming doesn’t pay for itself.

          • But Enough About Me on December 11, 2018 at 12:06 pm

            Yeah, if you think you worked hard before you retired, you’re in for a shock.

          • commodious spittoon on December 11, 2018 at 12:07 pm

            I guess “risked his marriage” is a little much. It caused a great deal of easily avoidable strain. He’s pretty granola and I think he figured growing pesticide-free, non-GMO turnips or whatever qualified as “doing his part.”

          • Raven Nation on December 11, 2018 at 12:37 pm

            Huh. One of our neighbors has basically the same plan. They both work right now but the plan is to transition to farming. She’ll keep working from home but…yeah, we’ll see.

          • dbleagle on December 11, 2018 at 1:04 pm

            Q: “How do you make a million dollars in farming?”
            A: “Start with two million.”

        • Rhywun on December 11, 2018 at 12:06 pm

          LOL/ouch

          • Riven on December 11, 2018 at 12:13 pm

            Tell me I’m wrong, Rhywun!
            …
            …

            You can’t. Lol. Real estate, in general, is not a game most retirees are encouraged to enter for the first time after retirement. … Especially when there’s back-breaking labor involved. It’s one thing to be a land-lord (which isn’t recommended due to the work load but can be manageable), it’s a whole other thing to try your hand at farming for the first time (which includes sun-up to sun-down labor, plus running the books after that).

          • Tundra on December 11, 2018 at 12:15 pm

            Real estate, in general, is not a game most retirees are encouraged to enter for the first time after retirement.

            Could be said for any small business.

          • Riven on December 11, 2018 at 12:18 pm

            I don’t disagree at all. The beginning of retirement is not the time to be making very large expenditures, in general, especially if you’re robbing your retirement account to do it.

          • Drake on December 11, 2018 at 12:29 pm

            I would be selling off my NJ suburban home and paying roughly the same amount. I wouldn’t be borrowing significant money or treating it like a business start-up. More like a refuge from the world / compound to keep cranky old guy occupied and out of trouble.

          • UnCivilServant on December 11, 2018 at 12:31 pm

            I would be selling off my NJ suburban home

            People will pay you to take ont of those off your hands?

          • MikeS on December 11, 2018 at 12:52 pm

            Drake; If you buy it first and foremost as your new home, and it so happens to come with some acreage that you can do something with, excellent. Go for it. Start small and work your way into something.

          • Drake on December 11, 2018 at 1:01 pm

            Mike – That would be the plan. Enough acreage to cut wood and maybe eventually have some critters and / or crops.

          • Rhywun on December 11, 2018 at 12:19 pm

            No!

          • Rhywun on December 11, 2018 at 12:20 pm

            *sigh* blockquote fail:

            Tell me I’m wrong, Rhywun!

          • MikeS on December 11, 2018 at 12:34 pm

            That completely depends on what kind of farming we are talking about. And what kind of equipment you have at your disposal. The majority of American farmers haven’t experienced “back breaking, sun-up to sundown labor” in many decades.

          • UnCivilServant on December 11, 2018 at 12:36 pm

            Every qotient of labor you avoid is another big block of capital outlay.

          • R C Dean on December 11, 2018 at 12:37 pm

            The farmers I have known would definitely say there’s plenty of sun-up to sun-down labor. Whether its “back-breaking” or not, I couldn’t say, but its not all swanning around on John Deere tractors, I know that.

          • Riven on December 11, 2018 at 12:37 pm

            I’ll tell the dry-land hay farmers around where I grew up about your experience.

          • MikeS on December 11, 2018 at 12:47 pm

            I didn’t say they don’t work sunup to sundown. And I didn’t say there was no back breaking work. I said it’s not both, all the time. I’ve lived my entire life surrounded by, related to, friends with, and occasionally working for, farmers. They have my respect and admiration. But they aren’t out there with a one bottom plow and a team of horses anymore.

          • CPRM on December 11, 2018 at 12:54 pm

            Mike S. thinks the Amish are just a fairy tale.

          • Certified Public Asshat on December 11, 2018 at 1:05 pm

            Compared to what Drake does now (I don’t know what he does) but transitioning from a desk job into farming at retirement age is going to be a struggle physically.

          • R C Dean on December 11, 2018 at 1:14 pm

            I get it, Mike. I read your comment as maybe more dismissive than you intended.

            Although the periodic mythologizing of “America’s Family Farms” whenever the subsidies start running a little short is irritating as fuck. Some of the shadiest SOBs I know are farmers/ranchers. There’s just too many programs to be gamed, so it gets to be part of the job.

          • MikeS on December 11, 2018 at 1:30 pm

            Re-reading, I can see how it could come off as flippant. Riven; that wasn’t my intention.

            Few are bigger defenders of farmers than me. But like you said, when it comes to FEDGOV $$, some of the shadiest people I know are farmers. And yet most of them wouldn’t dream of screwing over a friend or a local business. Like you said, it almost becomes part of doing business.

      • Suthenboy on December 11, 2018 at 12:09 pm

        There is a reason people use the phrase “He bought the farm” as a euphemism for dying.

        “That place wont be nuthin’ but sweat and tears for you boy” – My Grandfather when 10 year old me said I wanted to use the family land as a farm when I grew up.

        I grow trees on it now. Trees are easy. They mostly take care of themselves but even the not mostly part is ass-busting work.

        • Gustave Lytton on December 11, 2018 at 12:30 pm

          I thought it was simply the serviceman’s life insurance check that went to the wife/parents was big enough to pay off the mortgage.

        • commodious spittoon on December 11, 2018 at 12:33 pm

          Trees would be ideal except for the never-ending drought.

      • UnCivilServant on December 11, 2018 at 12:15 pm

        If I paid for farmland, I’d lease most of the productive space to neighbors who actually work it and live on the unleased section.

        I’m not a farmer.

        • J. Frank Parnell on December 11, 2018 at 12:38 pm

          Yeah, you could let people live there and farm the land in exchange for a portion of the crops they grow.

        • Raven Nation on December 11, 2018 at 12:38 pm

          So, more like a feudal lord?

          • UnCivilServant on December 11, 2018 at 12:41 pm

            Almost, the people doing the work are unliekly to be serfs or peasants, and more likely to have the capital investments in heavy equipment to make use of the additional acreage.

            But if I ever did swing such a setup, I’d change my handle to ‘UnCivilLord’.

          • dbleagle on December 11, 2018 at 1:06 pm

            When I was young my family had a ranch in southern Arizona. I joined the Army and went Infantry because it was less work.

          • UnCivilServant on December 11, 2018 at 1:09 pm

            I should have phrased that to not classify additional heads of cattle as heavy equipment. I was thinking plant growth rather than general agriculture.

            But the point stands.

        • Agent Cooper on December 11, 2018 at 1:49 pm

          Share .. croppin’?

      • pistoffnick on December 11, 2018 at 2:05 pm

        …I find myself tempted to buy a small farm.

        I grew up on a farm. We raised cows, pigs, sheep, hay, corn and oats. It is a hard way to make money.

        My uncle had a dairy farm with beautiful Holstein cows. He never took a vacation.

        My grandpa lost his hand to a corn picker. He hacked it off with an ax so he could drive himself to the hospital. Later in life he forgot to set the parking brake on his tractor and was run over by it, killing him. I have a slightly mangled pinkie and ring finger

        Advice? Never pay full price for anything. Buy your equipment used at auction. Learn how to fix it yourself.
        Vertical integration. Grow the corn that you feed to your animals. Learn how to do basic veterinary tasks. Dehorning and denutting calves has still left me scarred to this day.

        Even though I hated it when I was younger, I also would like a piece of land. Just enough to have a couple of pigs, some chickens, and a sizable garden.

        • MikeS on December 11, 2018 at 2:16 pm

          I also would like a piece of land. Just enough to have a couple of pigs, some chickens, and a sizable garden.

          Agreed

          • pistoffnick on December 11, 2018 at 2:58 pm

            Hes got this dream about buyin some land
            Hes gonna give up the booze and the one night stands
            And then hell settle down, in some quiet little town
            And forget about everything.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zu2pUr8JRVg

    • Certified Public Asshat on December 11, 2018 at 1:09 pm

      Thicc or not thicc is not philosophical enough?

  10. Drake on December 11, 2018 at 11:57 am

    I was drinking a Diet Coke while watching Groping Joe. It enhanced the whole experience.

  11. MikeS on December 11, 2018 at 11:58 am

    Excellent. And I got to see my name in a Youtube video that didn’t also include police!

  12. Rhywun on December 11, 2018 at 12:01 pm

    OT request of the glib hive-mind:

    Some weeks ago there was a discussion of words to not use when receiving a robo-call (e.g. “Yes”).
    Is there any similar suggestion for leaving a voicemail greeting? Right now I just use the default “Your call has been forwarded…” but was considering customizing it so I don’t look like an idiot to potential employers. Any concerns there?

    • Old Man With Candy on December 11, 2018 at 12:04 pm

      “You know what to do.” beeeeep

    • SP on December 11, 2018 at 12:11 pm

      “You’ve reached [insert real name here]. Please leave a message and I’ll return your call as soon as possible. Thank you.”

      Also, if you want to keep your real number private from callers, consider Google Voice or similar.

      • Nephilium on December 11, 2018 at 12:21 pm

        Google Voice also has a very nice feature for blocking sales calls. Any number that you’ve blocked that calls your Google Voice number receives a message that the number is no longer in service. You can also enable Call Recording (just make sure you’re in a one-party state first).

        • R C Dean on December 11, 2018 at 12:32 pm

          I have a spam-blocking app (RoboKiller) that catches some spam calls. It has a wide variety of amusing pre-recorded answers. I just use the official-sounding no longer in service one.

      • kinnath on December 11, 2018 at 12:25 pm

        I sent you an email over the weekend.

        • SP on December 11, 2018 at 12:35 pm

          Yep. Saw it. I’ve been unwell, so just getting back to email today.

          • kinnath on December 11, 2018 at 12:40 pm

            no problem

      • Rhywun on December 11, 2018 at 12:25 pm

        Ha too bad I dumped my Google account the other day…. Will keep in mind if that concern arises but currently, not on my radar. Thanks

      • UnCivilServant on December 11, 2018 at 12:27 pm

        Suppose I’m trying to keep my stuff private from google?

        • SP on December 11, 2018 at 12:34 pm

          That’s why I use a masked number from Blur.

    • CPRM on December 11, 2018 at 12:12 pm

      “All lines are busy. Please hold for the next available representative.”

      • Old Man With Candy on December 11, 2018 at 12:30 pm

        Better with an Indian accent.

        • UnCivilServant on December 11, 2018 at 12:31 pm

          “Thank you, call again.”

    • Tundra on December 11, 2018 at 12:14 pm

      Customize. Brief and upbeat.

      Even better, get a celebrity to do it.

      • Rhywun on December 11, 2018 at 12:21 pm

        Sounds like a great business opportunity for John McAfee.

    • Suthenboy on December 11, 2018 at 12:15 pm

      I let mine use the automated message thingy. I also dont answer calls if I dont recognize the number. For potential employers I would give them a heads up on it and tell them why. They may see you as a smart guy because of that.

      Just my 2c

    • R C Dean on December 11, 2018 at 12:20 pm

      “You didn’t make the cut to have a conversation with me. Leave a voicemail so I can ignore you over and over again.”

    • ron73440 on December 11, 2018 at 12:23 pm

      I like the Archer method of fooling them into thinking you actually are answering and something horrible is happening to you.

      Of course, then your family can sit there with a bored expression while you are getting the shit beaten out of you, so YMMV.

      • commodious spittoon on December 11, 2018 at 12:45 pm

        Mallory: *heavy sigh* I’m done. He’s dead to me.

        • dbleagle on December 11, 2018 at 1:09 pm

          My son did that when he was in high school. He kept switching the message. I finally had my parents write asking for our phone number because “when they called they always were getting wrong numbers and strange NC messages”.

    • Raven Nation on December 11, 2018 at 12:41 pm

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjHyO0BRB0w

      • Rhywun on December 11, 2018 at 12:49 pm

        And I’m an Aries too!

  13. Don Escaped Texas on December 11, 2018 at 12:05 pm

    I find myself tempted to buy a small farm.

    rent, stay small, experiment with specialty crops

    real farming of commodities is a game that hundreds of farmers lose for the last time every year; friends don’t let friends farm

    • Tundra on December 11, 2018 at 12:13 pm

      Could actually be worse than a bar/restaurant.

      I want a farm/ranch, but only for the space.

      And a couple llamas.

      • kinnath on December 11, 2018 at 12:19 pm

        The only thing worse would be to do both — grow grapes and make wine.

        I spent $250 bucks to take a 9-month vineyard management course to learn I never want to own a vineyard. One of my friends planted 5,000 vines to discover how much fucking work it is.

        I then spent another $250 to take a 6-month winery management course to learn I never want to own a winery. My friend with the vineyard has opened a winery to get rid of the uncertainty in being able to sell 10 to 20 tons of grapes every year.

        My friend is a 70+ yo retired pharmacist who tells me he’s never worked harder in his life than he does now. And his adult kids (who help alot) have no interest in continuing the business when he passes on.

        • Nephilium on December 11, 2018 at 12:24 pm

          The legal licensing alone dissuades me from going into any alcohol production business. That’s before the low pay, physical labor, and uncertain income stream are accounted for.

          • UnCivilServant on December 11, 2018 at 12:26 pm

            It’s cheaper to just buy a small third world country and make your own regulations.

          • kinnath on December 11, 2018 at 12:31 pm

            Licensing can be overcome without that much effort. I have several friends that have made the transition to pro.

            The issue is money. At about $2 profit per bottle at wholesale it takes 20K bottles a year to be a significant income.

            That’s moving around 400 cases a week. It is really fucking hard to move that much booze before you have become really well established.

            Brew pubs may be a bit easier to achieve, but Robc will probably say otherwise.

          • UnCivilServant on December 11, 2018 at 12:33 pm

            Brew Pub? You’re asking for all the troubles of owning a bar Plus all the troubles of owning a brewery.

          • Nephilium on December 11, 2018 at 12:42 pm

            Here in Ohio, with the regulations on alcohol pricing you get to keep a much larger share of the profits. If you don’t want to read the laws, there’s a minimum 25% markup on each tier in alcohol sales in the state. Quite a few of the newer breweries opening around me are either secondary locations for an already existing brewery, or going with the tap room model with no plans for distribution.

          • UnCivilServant on December 11, 2018 at 12:43 pm

            So what you’re saying is, the state of Ohio is making alcohol artifically expensive for its residents.

          • Nephilium on December 11, 2018 at 12:52 pm

            Yep. Then there’s the Sin Tax on top of that in some of the counties to pay for stadiums.

            One good thing for the breweries here is that the state does allow self distribution, so you can sell directly to the retailers (and to go at your bars). The downside is that you need to pay for your license, and get approved by the state before you can even make your first drop of beer. In order to get approved, you’ve got to have your location built out and ready to go, and then it’ll take a couple of months (minimum) to get that approval. So you’re looking at a healthy investment and money just sitting there before you get any cash flow.

          • robc on December 11, 2018 at 12:52 pm

            Its hard to fail in the brewery business, but I am exceptional.

          • robc on December 11, 2018 at 12:54 pm

            I will have to start paying taxes again in 2019.

        • Tundra on December 11, 2018 at 12:30 pm

          I have a cousin who owns a major winemaking business in CA. He was wealthy before he started and has done really well, but it doesn’t appeal to me one little bit.

          • kinnath on December 11, 2018 at 12:32 pm

            A baby winery is about a million in startup costs. Ten million is more realistic.

          • UnCivilServant on December 11, 2018 at 12:35 pm

            Is that a winery that makes wine for babies, wine from babies, or wine from babies for babies?

          • Scruffy Nerfherder on December 11, 2018 at 12:36 pm

            Make babies, they whine a lot.

          • MikeS on December 11, 2018 at 12:37 pm

            Don’t be so infantile.

          • kinnath on December 11, 2018 at 12:41 pm

            baby winery — 10,000 gallons (50,000 bottles) per year.

          • Bobarian LMD on December 11, 2018 at 2:55 pm

            How many babies does it take to make a gallon?

        • Suthenboy on December 11, 2018 at 12:36 pm

          “One of my friends planted 5,000 vines to discover how much fucking work it is.”

          That’s no shit.

          To all: Remember when you were a kid dreaming about what you wanted to do when you grew up? Remember the silly things you chose?
          That is what happens to you when you approach retirement: That kid comes back.

          Wife and I are retired. I still do work on our land for the timber but I can do it when I feel like it and if I want to I can walk away for 20 years without consequence. If your retirement is enough to pay your bills then do what we do. Our house is paid for, our cars are paid for (we dont buy things on credit) and we live on an amazingly small amount of money. We dont buy a lot of shiny toys. We eat well but in small amounts because it is just the two of us. Consequently our bank account grows every month instead of shrinking.
          When I go to bed at night I never worry about how I am going to keep the lights on and the water running. Life is good.
          Retire. Enjoy your retirement. Freedom is priceless. Don’t chain yourself to something that will take all of your options away from you.

          • UnCivilServant on December 11, 2018 at 12:38 pm

            So, basically, you’re an Ent.

          • Suthenboy on December 11, 2018 at 12:43 pm

            I have always strongly identified with the Ents. I hadn’t considered that I was one. Huh.

            *strokes chin very slowly*

          • Jarflax on December 11, 2018 at 1:24 pm

            Has it been a few centuries since you saw Mrs. Suthen?

          • Scruffy Nerfherder on December 11, 2018 at 12:40 pm

            Ain’t that the truth.

            My parents are both about 80 and have two large properties that consume money and time for upkeep. I tried to talk Dad into selling one of them and getting a townhouse or something smaller in town for when they come this way, but instead I just got cussed out.

            They’re rapidly approaching the age that keeping the houses is going to be untenable.

          • Certified Public Asshat on December 11, 2018 at 1:18 pm

            Gah, this is my dad. My grandmother is very close to passing, and leaving him and my uncle her estate. He can sell her house and use the proceeds to pay his mortgage off and be debt free. Instead he tells me he wants to buy his brother out and have a rental. It’s not even a good rental location.

          • MikeS on December 11, 2018 at 12:40 pm

            That is what happens to you when you approach retirement: That kid comes back.

            Wow. It didn’t dawn on me until reading what you wrote, but you are so right. It’s true for me, and I’m still ~20 years away. That kid has been whispering in my ear all sorts of things he thinks I should be doing instead of having a steady job.

          • Suthenboy on December 11, 2018 at 12:48 pm

            Don’t listen to him. Buy a fishing pole.

          • trshmnstr on December 11, 2018 at 1:46 pm

            ^^ this. The kid inside tells me that even though it would be tough, at least it’s an honest day’s work instead of this paper pushing bullshit. Bad kid!

          • R C Dean on December 11, 2018 at 12:42 pm

            The scary white boy speaks truth.

            I’m amazed at how often I run into people who have strip-mined their retirement accounts to open a business or even to fund one of their kid’s businesses.

            Its even worse when you realize how expensive things get when you get really old, and need help just to get through the day. I see people who are on Social Security only who need home health or assisted living, and their options are very bad to non-existent. Its heartbreaking and infuriating at the same time.

          • kinnath on December 11, 2018 at 12:52 pm

            I can be a contract engineer till I die or get Alzheimer’s. No good reason to turn an enjoyable hobby like brewing into a low-paying, hard-working job.

          • Naptown Bill on December 11, 2018 at 1:01 pm

            Preach. I’m hoping I actually can retire, and if I do, I’m not planning to do shit. I mean, fish, shoot, drink, go camping, take some road trips and spend a few weeks here and there, sure, but not like anything that requires my doing anything resembling actual work. I don’t want to add any commitments once I no longer have to be somewhere doing something to make money. My new title will be “Gentleman of Leisure”. I will print cards.

          • UnCivilServant on December 11, 2018 at 1:03 pm

            People who say that end up doing one of two things when they reqire – a: go back to work. b: die quickly.

          • dbleagle on December 11, 2018 at 1:30 pm

            Preach brother. I retired from my first profession and was hired into my second 45 days later.

          • R C Dean on December 11, 2018 at 1:57 pm

            I have discovered that there is serious coin to be made doing consulting with businesses (for and non profit) on corporate governance. There’s people out there charging thousands per day for this who aren’t remotely as qualified as I am. I think if I get bored in retirement I know what I can do, although I do plan to put real effort into writing once I no longer do it all day at work.

            Or, Mrs. Dean may finally figure out that I am worth more dead than alive, in which case I will no doubt go with option (b).

          • invisible finger on December 11, 2018 at 1:14 pm

            The Sanders-istas have people like you in their sights. How dare you not depend on them for survival?

      • Suthenboy on December 11, 2018 at 12:24 pm

        Have you ever been around a llama?

        • Tundra on December 11, 2018 at 12:31 pm

          I have. We have similar outlooks on life.

          • Scruffy Nerfherder on December 11, 2018 at 12:34 pm

            I take it you spit a lot.

          • Tundra on December 11, 2018 at 12:47 pm

            It’s more the sarcastic disdain.

          • Pope Jimbo on December 11, 2018 at 2:42 pm

            Yup. He is the exact opposite of his wife….

        • Scruffy Nerfherder on December 11, 2018 at 12:33 pm

          That’s a little bit personal, don’t you think?

          • commodious spittoon on December 11, 2018 at 12:51 pm

            He said around, not behind.

      • Don Escaped Texas on December 11, 2018 at 12:24 pm

        I thought about working some acreage in Texas hill country. The prices caught me off guard until I learned that it was all hobby farms: guys who were glad to lose money on it so long as they had a place to play on the weekend.

        • Suthenboy on December 11, 2018 at 12:41 pm

          There is a 5000 acre quarter horse ranch just down the road from where I live. A nursing home magnate bought it when he retired. Three years later one of the horses pushed him through a welded iron fence. He came out of the other side like a potato comes out of a french fry cutter.

          Poor guy. He should have bought a bass boat.

          • R C Dean on December 11, 2018 at 12:55 pm

            He should have bought a bass boat.

            From what I hear, it seems like every time you take a boat out, there’s an unfortunate accident that leads to the loss of firearms.

          • Don Escaped Texas on December 11, 2018 at 1:02 pm

            I don’t heal fast enough any more to do anything riskier than golf.

            Everyone gets mashed, kicked, or stomped sooner or later; these people must think that bad things don’t happen to anyone, much less experts The only way to not lose is to never play the game.

        • Urthona on December 11, 2018 at 12:53 pm

          My dad has one of those Texas hobby farms in his retirement. Enjoys the hell out of it.

          I think it’s hilarious. His parents were North Dakota farmers. He went to college — first one in his family — to avoid that life.

          Now he farms for fun and loves it.

          I guess it’s different when you don’t have to do it.

          • R C Dean on December 11, 2018 at 12:58 pm

            Pater Dean has a small spread. He leases it out for his rancher buddies to run a few cows on, and cut some hay on. His horses are also out there on their retirements as well.

            He figures he breaks even on leases – fortunately, he doesn’t need to irrigate, but he does need to fertilize and lay down some herbicide periodically. I think the leases also cover the horse feed and whatnot, too.

          • trshmnstr on December 11, 2018 at 1:55 pm

            I guess it’s different when you don’t have to do it.

            I think that’s the difference. If something is too much work, send em all to slaughter and pick something else less challenging.

            Retiring into a hobby farm is alluring to me. Farming was the family business up to my parents’ generation, and I like the company of plants and animals above livestock.

            I keep trying to talk myself out of it, but the little kid inside of me wants to grow just enough to be a staple at the local farmer’s market.

          • trshmnstr on December 11, 2018 at 1:56 pm

            Above *people

    • ChipsnSalsa on December 11, 2018 at 12:39 pm

      I’ve come to the conclusion that most farmers, while perhaps good at growing things, are not very good at business. Some are excellent at the business end and do tremendously well (hunting trips to Africa well) while others have to work a second job to make bank.

      I’m not sure but I think someone could capitalize on some sort of farm business management.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder on December 11, 2018 at 12:41 pm

        Based on the successful farmers I know, it’s all about farming to maximize the subsidies.

        • dbleagle on December 11, 2018 at 1:36 pm

          You want to see your blood pressure rise? Type your zip code into the following link and see who and how much farm subsidies your neighbors receive.

          https://farm.ewg.org/search.php

          I live in a suburbia with no open land and have 118 neighbors getting agricultural subsidies.

          • UnCivilServant on December 11, 2018 at 1:38 pm

            Less than $100,000 in agregate for the whole zip code for 22 years.

          • MikeS on December 11, 2018 at 1:42 pm

            $79,331,827

          • UnCivilServant on December 11, 2018 at 1:42 pm

            I live in a city. I suspect you’re more rural.

          • MikeS on December 11, 2018 at 1:47 pm

            Haha. You could say that.

          • Scruffy Nerfherder on December 11, 2018 at 1:47 pm

            I know numbers 2 and 3 on this list.

            https://farm.ewg.org/addrsearch.php?s=yup&stab=US&zip=23430&z=See+Recipients&last=&stab=AL&first=&fullname=&stab2=AL

          • Don Escaped Texas on December 11, 2018 at 2:04 pm

            Right: where you take your mail and cash your checks has nothing to do with where the farm is.

            I’m downtown in a large city; one neighbor rakes in $4,000,000; his plantation fits entirely into a post office box.

          • Suthenboy on December 11, 2018 at 2:20 pm

            That wont work for me. I live right on the edge of the Red River valley in a rural area. If I drive west for an hour it is nothing but fields. East is timber and cattle for two hours.

          • Suthenboy on December 11, 2018 at 2:24 pm

            Well I did for fun. 30 recipients. Amounts from 50K up to 4M, most being hundreds of thousands of dollars.
            More or less what I expected.

          • MikeS on December 11, 2018 at 2:29 pm

            What a coincidence. I also live in the Red River* Valley

            *Of The North

          • CPRM on December 11, 2018 at 2:32 pm

            There are Red Rivers all over. I blame the USSR.

          • Pope Jimbo on December 11, 2018 at 2:44 pm

            Mike why not pull a Sloopy and say you live in THE Red River Valley?

          • Nephilium on December 11, 2018 at 2:50 pm

            Hey! Not everything out of Columbus has The in front of it.

            Although I wouldn’t have been surprised if they did name it with the The.

      • R C Dean on December 11, 2018 at 12:45 pm

        The farm and ranch families I know almost always have one who works the land, and one who has a job-job, as much for the benefits as the salary.

        • Fourscore on December 11, 2018 at 2:17 pm

          Pop drives a school bus, Mom has a beauty shop in the spare room, or at least that what it seems for those hobby farmers.

          • R C Dean on December 11, 2018 at 2:23 pm

            These aren’t hobby farmers I’m thinking about.

      • Don Escaped Texas on December 11, 2018 at 12:55 pm

        are not very good at business

        Socrates was looking for the wise man and never found one: the cobbler always thinks he should be king. Most experts don’t know much of the world, and almost no one understands money. In this regard, farmers and doctors and a bunch of others are all the same.

        When I worked for the Germans (acht Jahre), I always laughed at the tech guys, told them they did well things that should not be done at all (eg: BMW I drive). The other observation that further endeared me to them was that the DAX returned half the gain as the DJ30: knowing how to use money is an American skill.

        I have both finance and engineering degrees; everywhere I’ve ever work I’ve struggled to keep smart technical people from doing dumb things with money.

        • Suthenboy on December 11, 2018 at 1:31 pm

          See also: Doctors

          • Jarflax on December 11, 2018 at 1:34 pm

            Doctors tend to think they are Gods and above petty concerns. Lawyers are the ones who get in real trouble. Litigators ‘deal’ with all sorts of complex businesses (as over simplified in litigation context) and become convinced that they are expert in everything.

          • Suthenboy on December 11, 2018 at 2:01 pm

            I was in a gun shop once when a doc came in to pick up the rifles he had ordered. I started talking to him. He was paying close to 10K for four rifles. He was buying them to hunt with. After I told him what rifles I owned he asked me which my favorite to hunt with is. “My scratched up rusty old Winchester 94”
            I shouldn’t have said that. He deflated right before my eyes.
            They dont teach economic wisdom in medical school.

          • Fourscore on December 11, 2018 at 2:23 pm

            Hey, Suthen, I got the knife sharpening kit you suggested. Now all I have to do is use it.
            (Pretends to be really busy)

          • Fourscore on December 11, 2018 at 2:24 pm

            And thanks, looks like it will make some folks around here really happy .

          • Don Escaped Texas on December 11, 2018 at 2:28 pm

            You can never explain the W94 to a man who hasn’t toted one 100 miles and put a thousand rounds through it. Mine’s got a lovely tannic patch where I wore the blue off of it before I was 13.

            That said, I can’t think of a round it was chambered for that I’d trust in Africa for all game. Maybe he needs more gun than that.

            The Henry was probably the first assault rifle (leaving aside the modern selective-fire definition).

            PS: I nailed the doctors up there, right off the bat.

          • Scruffy Nerfherder on December 11, 2018 at 2:03 pm

            Lawyers tend to believe everything can be solved with the correct paperwork.

          • trshmnstr on December 11, 2018 at 2:09 pm

            *submits affidavit along with statement of truth*

            *wins argument*

  14. SugarFree on December 11, 2018 at 12:53 pm

    Just fantastic all-around, CPRM. And the credits… Yummy.

    • CPRM on December 11, 2018 at 12:55 pm

      You honor me with your mighty words of esteem.

      • Tundra on December 11, 2018 at 12:58 pm

        That final scene with the Oval Office Irregulars sitting there stunned is wonderful.

        • Rhywun on December 11, 2018 at 1:03 pm

          Ayuh.

          And I’ve never heard her speak before. OMG. The next two years are going to be something else.

          • Gustave Lytton on December 11, 2018 at 1:09 pm

            Yeah, that was pretty painful.

          • Tundra on December 11, 2018 at 1:18 pm

            That up-talk is nails-on-the-chalkboard bad for me.

          • Don Escaped Texas on December 11, 2018 at 1:26 pm

            First we learned that nothing should have consequences.
            Later, words didn’t mean what they mean anymore.
            Now tone doesn’t mean what it means.

            I don’t care about the nose-piercings and the tats; it’s the ruination of basic communication that I can’t stand.

          • Tundra on December 11, 2018 at 1:28 pm

            Like, I think you’re being, like, toxic or something.

            Like.

          • CPRM on December 11, 2018 at 1:10 pm

            And because of the context of the conversation I didn’t even use any of her really dumb stuff, but even just her speaking at all you can hear the lack of anything of worth.

          • Michael on December 11, 2018 at 1:21 pm

            She speaks like a panelist on an NPR talk show where no vapid brain fart is too squeaky and requires intermittent pauses to convey thoughtful introspection to the listener.

  15. mexican sharpshooter on December 11, 2018 at 1:22 pm

    I think I need to donate, I want to be made fun of.

    • CPRM on December 11, 2018 at 1:32 pm

      If you donate The Hat Trump won’t send ICE after you, so there’s that.

    • MikeS on December 11, 2018 at 1:34 pm

      I need to up my donation so I can experience the same.

  16. Plisade on December 11, 2018 at 1:23 pm

    Trump is so entertaining. Pelosi is worthless. …

    https://www.npr.org/2018/12/11/675425269/trump-to-meet-with-chuck-and-nancy-expectations-are-low

    • R C Dean on December 11, 2018 at 1:23 pm

      I can’t believe they did that, knowing the cameras were running.

      • UnCivilServant on December 11, 2018 at 1:25 pm

        The media is part of their TEAM, so don’t expect much ado.

        • Plisade on December 11, 2018 at 1:33 pm

          I’m surprised npr posted the whole thing.

      • Plisade on December 11, 2018 at 1:33 pm

        Pelos I kept trying to stop it. She’s so lost off-script.

      • mexican sharpshooter on December 11, 2018 at 1:41 pm

        I can’t believe they were dumb enough to go in there not realizing they were just going to be part of the show.

    • Rhywun on December 11, 2018 at 1:34 pm

      Oh no. Please don’t shut the government down.

      • mexican sharpshooter on December 11, 2018 at 1:43 pm

        Right? Do it Donny! DO IT

      • Suthenboy on December 11, 2018 at 1:45 pm

        Or throw us in that briar patch.

        • Tres Cool on December 11, 2018 at 2:01 pm

          Briar patch

  17. Suthenboy on December 11, 2018 at 1:30 pm

    Oh…RC: I had occasion to meet with that forester again a couple of months ago. I asked him what he meant by ‘scary white boy’. He thought it was funny. He was referring to the amount of manual labor I had put into one particular plot of land over the course of about three decades. He couldn’t believe anyone would do that and was impressed by it. He didn’t see me as threatening.

    I was relieved.

  18. "Baddie Du Jour Apologist" on December 11, 2018 at 1:37 pm

    https://twitter.com/aaronjmate/status/1072570535459086337

    “Whenever Russiagate peddlers are confronted w/ the actual facts, it doesn’t go so well. Here’s @RepJerryNadler asking Google CEO Sundar Pichai about “the full extent” of Russian meddling activity on its platforms in 2016. The answer: Russian-linked accounts spent $4,700 on ads.”

    Say what you will about the far left like Glenn Greenwald, Aaron Mate (with the Nation), Noam Chomskey, and Max Bluemanthal, but they’ve never bought into Russia Fever Dreams and they haven’t changed their position on foreign policy in order to appease their conspiratorial progressive readers.

    • "Baddie Du Jour Apologist" on December 11, 2018 at 1:40 pm

      https://twitter.com/willwilkinson/status/1072525078657753088

      That can’t be said for others, like the Niskanen Institute that hosts a conference with Bill Kristol and Jennifer Rubin. But, I’m sure they care about intervention abroad (when it’s popular at their soirees)

      • MikeS on December 11, 2018 at 1:53 pm

        I have a good name for you: “Constant Name Changing Apologist” Has a nice ring to it, no?

        • "Idi Amin Apologist" on December 11, 2018 at 2:08 pm

          I’ll consider it

      • tarran on December 11, 2018 at 1:54 pm

        The good old Niskanen center. I’m sure William Niskanen would be thrilled to hear that his name is being used by a bunch of fascists who wear it as a “libertarian” suit, like Ed Gein’s “woman suit” made out of corpse-skin.

        • Suthenboy on December 11, 2018 at 2:03 pm

          That describes the majority of people who describe themselves as libertarian.

          • Agent Cooper on December 11, 2018 at 2:05 pm

            Tulpa!

      • Scruffy Nerfherder on December 11, 2018 at 2:01 pm

        It can’t be coincidence that Wilkinson has a Diego Rivera mural as his twitter background.

        • Suthenboy on December 11, 2018 at 2:06 pm

          Ya’ think?

        • Suthenboy on December 11, 2018 at 2:08 pm

          Also, he appears to have one uh them secret Nazi haircuts

        • "Idi Amin Apologist" on December 11, 2018 at 2:10 pm

          Due note that Brink Lindsey is in attendance. You may remember him for writing a defense of the Iraq War, but it would be unfair to remember him that way. He should also be remembered for defending every American overseas intervention since the first Gulf War.

          He’s the proto-Bill Weld

          • Chipwooder on December 11, 2018 at 2:33 pm

            And Lindsey has always been awfully fond of government spending for a supposed libertarian, too.

          • "Idi Amin Apologist" on December 11, 2018 at 2:38 pm

            The alternative that wasn’t

      • Chipwooder on December 11, 2018 at 2:11 pm

        Bill Kristol is one of the biggest pieces of shit to walk the earth.

        • "Idi Amin Apologist" on December 11, 2018 at 2:18 pm

          David Frum and the WSJ foreign affairs editorial page are a very close second.

          • "Idi Amin Apologist" on December 11, 2018 at 2:19 pm

            NYT foreign affairs editorial page too. Actually, the foreign affairs editorial page of every major newspaper…..

  19. Suthenboy on December 11, 2018 at 1:42 pm

    Kudos guys. This H&H had me laughing out loud. The perfect Biden.

  20. mexican sharpshooter on December 11, 2018 at 2:16 pm

    Yellen warns of another potential financial crisis: ‘Gigantic holes in the system’

    Yellen cited leverage loans as an area of concern, something also mentioned by the current Fed leadership. She said regulators can only address such problems at individual banks not throughout the financial system. The former fed chair, now a scholar at the Brookings Institute, said there remains an agenda of unfinished regulation. “I’m not sure we’re working on those things in the way we should, and then there remain holes, and then there’s regulatory pushback. So I do worry that we could have another financial crisis.”

    Because the last one wasn’t caused by unintended consequences of the regulations in place? We need more regulations!

    • Scruffy Nerfherder on December 11, 2018 at 2:19 pm

      There is some crazy shit going on right now.

      Payment in kind loans for only one example.

    • "Idi Amin Apologist" on December 11, 2018 at 2:20 pm

      Yellen may be predicting the reality, but her proscription is like proscribing poison to a patient with cancer

      • CPRM on December 11, 2018 at 2:25 pm

        +1 round of blood letting and a dose of Quicksilver

        • "Idi Amin Apologist" on December 11, 2018 at 2:26 pm

          I really liked the video, by the way. You always do a phenomenal job.

          • CPRM on December 11, 2018 at 2:31 pm

            Thanks. There are always the Classiest, Yuegest videos.

          • "Idi Amin Apologist" on December 11, 2018 at 2:35 pm

            Could you link to the donation page again. I may be able to support the cause to Make Animation Great Again!

          • CPRM on December 11, 2018 at 2:40 pm

            Here’s the Patreon, that’s a monthly subscription. If you want to support by buying yourself something that is here.

      • Nephilium on December 11, 2018 at 2:35 pm

        The patient is getting weaker and pale, we recommend more bleeding to strengthen them.

  21. "Idi Amin Apologist" on December 11, 2018 at 2:23 pm

    https://www.theamericanconservative.com/articles/emergency-gun-confiscation-may-be-easy-target-in-new-congress/

    Emergency Gun Confiscation Program Coming to a Congress Near You

    No doubt, Trump would sign this and that some Republicans will vote for it

    • Scruffy Nerfherder on December 11, 2018 at 2:28 pm

      Willis’s niece said she “was dumbfounded” by the course of events. While she might know who had petitioned to have her uncle’s gun taken away, no one else does, because in Maryland, such orders are sealed.

      So much for facing your accuser.

      • R C Dean on December 11, 2018 at 2:31 pm

        Now that he’s dead, there’s probably no way to unseal the order, so we’ll never know who set him up to be killed.

    • R C Dean on December 11, 2018 at 2:29 pm

      We are so fucked.

      Confident prediction: if this passes the Senate, the Dems will be in the majority after the next election. If Trump signs it, the Dems will hold the Presidency after the next election.

      These bills are nothing more than allowing secret courts to send SWAT teams to confiscate guns from law-abiding citizens on the basis of a bare accusation that someone is dangerous. If the Repubs don’t realize that will cost them a big chunk of their base, they deserve to be eradicated from the political landscape.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder on December 11, 2018 at 2:31 pm

        Confident prediction: If it passes, the black market for guns will only get bigger

        • R C Dean on December 11, 2018 at 2:33 pm

          And the number of unfortunate boating accidents will increase dramatically.

      • Sean on December 11, 2018 at 2:43 pm

        What happens if you refuse to open your safe?

        • trshmnstr on December 11, 2018 at 3:12 pm

          You “become irate” and officer friendly regretfully has to pop a cap in your ass.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder on December 11, 2018 at 2:30 pm

      “The Emergency Risk Protection Order is designed to fill a gap in current law,” Graham said upon introducing the bill with Democratic Senator Richard Blumenthal last March. “It can be utilized when an individual has moved into crisis, but has not yet committed a crime.”

      Crisis = Whatever we want it to be

      • Suthenboy on December 11, 2018 at 2:31 pm

        It is not designed to fill a gap in current law. It is not designed for that at all.

      • R C Dean on December 11, 2018 at 2:32 pm

        Especially since there’s way too many people who think owning a gun = danger to self or others.

      • Raston Bot on December 11, 2018 at 3:06 pm

        “crisis” is when their activist, unmarried, insufferable niece has had enough of their stubborn attitude toward the 2A.

        • trshmnstr on December 11, 2018 at 3:15 pm

          This ^^. This is also why I never tell anybody how many firearms I own. I have had exactly 1 background check, and I will forfeit exactly 1 firearm when the Stasi come around.

      • MikeS on December 11, 2018 at 3:09 pm

        Graham said upon introducing the bill with Democratic Senator Richard Blumenthal last March.

        That was before McCain died. Could we hope Lindsey reconsiders now that he has his balls back?

        ????

    • Suthenboy on December 11, 2018 at 2:31 pm

      why would Trump sign this? My impression is that he is absolutely pro-2ndA. He has said so a couple of times.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats on December 11, 2018 at 2:40 pm

        It’d be the end of his political support, that’s for sure, and I imagine he knows this. The Reps must be intent on losing the Senate though.

        • Scruffy Nerfherder on December 11, 2018 at 2:43 pm

          It’s so much easier for them when they’re the minority

          • Stinky Wizzleteats on December 11, 2018 at 2:47 pm

            It’ll be super easy for them then because a cave on gun control will result in a devastating loss. Why vote for those pigs if they can’t even hold the line on that?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder on December 11, 2018 at 2:32 pm

      Maryland, home of “center-right” Republican and Niskanen Center darling, Larry Hogan.

      • "Idi Amin Apologist" on December 11, 2018 at 2:40 pm

        Who is at their conference, it should be noted.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder on December 11, 2018 at 2:35 pm

      And confiscation goes from zero to 11 in a heartbeat. They send a SWAT team to take the guns before even attempting to get the person to surrender the firearms of their own accord. Much like no-knock raids, this is just begging for an escalation.

    • Sean on December 11, 2018 at 2:40 pm

      That is straight up scary Orwellian shit.

    • Raston Bot on December 11, 2018 at 3:03 pm

      this’ll teach those angry uncles at the Thanksgiving table to listen to their shrieking progressive harpy nieces!

  22. Rhywun on December 11, 2018 at 2:33 pm

    OT: Geez, even Big Brother let the proles have their pr0n.

    I’m not sure what their thinking is… beyond “everything for the state” which is their motive for everything they do. But do they really think that people can’t watch porn and worship the state at the same time?

    • R C Dean on December 11, 2018 at 2:34 pm

      worship the state

      Worst euphemism ever.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats on December 11, 2018 at 2:36 pm

      Porn is for the Proles only. Party members must be pure of thought and deed.

      • Rhywun on December 11, 2018 at 2:45 pm

        Yes. Perhaps their proles don’t even have the internet.

        Also, $86K average annual salary? That’s either bullshit or yeah, this is only targeting Party members.

      • CPRM on December 11, 2018 at 2:49 pm

        +1 Junior Anti-Sex League

  23. "Idi Amin Apologist" on December 11, 2018 at 2:37 pm

    https://nypost.com/2018/12/10/9-year-old-committed-suicide-after-classmates-taunted-kill-yourself-family/

    Wrenching nut punch. What goes through a nine year-olds mind to consider suicide?

    • R C Dean on December 11, 2018 at 2:41 pm

      Headline:

      9-year-old kills self after racist taunts from class: family

      Gives the impression, with the picture of the young black girl, that she was being taunted by whites, no?

      From the story:

      Since the start of the school year, the fourth-grader had been the target of bullying at US Jones Elementary School, where she was teased over her friendship with a white male classmate, according to her family.

      I’m thinking it wasn’t the white kids bullying her.

      • "Idi Amin Apologist" on December 11, 2018 at 2:43 pm

        Regardless of who was taunting her, though, it was still racist.

        • Rhywun on December 11, 2018 at 2:48 pm

          For sure. I read that twice and didn’t even come to the alternate conclusion. I suspect a little creative editing at work now.

      • Chipwooder on December 11, 2018 at 2:47 pm

        Yup, the subtext is definitely one of her taking shit from the other black kids for supposedly acting as if she were white.

        I have an 8 year old and a 10 year old. If something remotely like this ever happened to one of them, I’d make it my life’s mission to ruin those kids. A lot of people would be horrified by that statement, and I understand why, but I know I would not be the merciful forgiving type in such a situation.

        • CPRM on December 11, 2018 at 2:51 pm

          It is little known that the prequel to Taken was Liam Neeson killing his daughter’s school bullies.

          • Chipwooder on December 11, 2018 at 2:52 pm

            It may be an indication of something being wrong with me, but I find the mental image of Liam Neeson attacking school kids to be hilarious.

          • Sean on December 11, 2018 at 2:55 pm

            It may be an indication of something being wrong with me

            *begins emergency gun confiscation paperwork*

          • Pope Jimbo on December 11, 2018 at 2:57 pm

            I’ll laugh with you brother as long as you promise me that it was hand to hand combat. The image of Liam kicking some snot nosed gal right in the kisser is hilarious.

            But if he’s just machine gunning them down as he spins round and round on the merry-go-round is too trite to make me laugh.

          • Nephilium on December 11, 2018 at 3:02 pm

            There was a scene in the most recent season of It’s Always Sunny that involved Mac and Charlie beating the crap out of some kids who stole their bikes.

  24. Chipwooder on December 11, 2018 at 2:39 pm

    The Lutherans are at it again in France – at least one person killed in a shooting at the Strasbourg Christmas Market

    • "Idi Amin Apologist" on December 11, 2018 at 2:42 pm

      I thought France had gun control? What happened?

      • Chipwooder on December 11, 2018 at 2:44 pm

        I know – Chocolate Nixon assured us no other Western nation has mass shootings but the US.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen on December 11, 2018 at 2:50 pm

      Lutherans nothing. It was the Cathars. You can’t trust any of them.

      • CPRM on December 11, 2018 at 2:55 pm

        This is truth.

  25. MikeS on December 11, 2018 at 3:05 pm

    Moobs just got on my shit list:

    Trump and Schumer also exchanged zingers over recent midterm elections.

    “Elections have consequences, Mr. President,” Schumer said.

    “And that’s why the country is doing so well,” the president shot back.

    Schumer jabbed Trump over boasting that Republicans kept control of the Senate.

    “When a president brags that he’s won Indiana and North Dakota, he’s in real trouble,” Schumer said.

    “We did!” Trump replied. “We did win.”

    • Rhywun on December 11, 2018 at 3:20 pm

      Remember, Trump is the divider.

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