I wish I’d been at the McCain funeral yesterday. Putting aside the now-usual and expected politicization of EVERYTHING, I mainly wanted to make sure the fucker really was dead. Instead, I had to hear the pissing and moaning on the radio as if his death were something tragic and momentous rather than just one more opportunity to put TDS on display. I don’t often agree with Trump, but this time I do. And speaking of display, the Aretha Franklin funeral was equally newsworthy, not just for the predictable TDS, but the spectacle of leering aged horndogs Bill Clinton and Jesse Jackson discussing the details of Ariana Grande’s ass. Sadly, they were upstaged by some pastor who managed a sideboob grope.

Ah well. Unlike yesterday, there were some notable birthdays and anniversaries today. For example, it’s the birthday of jazz greats Horace Silver and Clifford Jordan. Also microchip pioneer and business guru Andy Grove, the most delightfully named baseball player Drungo Hazewood, and the spectacularly titted actress Cynthia Watros.

On to the news.

 

For whatever reason (maybe the grant cycle?) there’s been a sudden rush of global warming panic articles. Of all of them yesterday, this one was my favorite.

“If we allow climate change to go unchecked, the vegetation of this planet is going to look completely different than it does today, and that means a huge risk to the diversity of the planet,” Jonathan Overpeck, dean of the School for Environment and Sustainability at the University of Michigan and co-author of the new study, said in a statement. “We’re talking about global landscape change that is ubiquitous and dramatic. We’re already starting to see it in the United States, as well as around the globe.”

Way to pack in every FUD buzzword you can. I’m sure that “more research is needed.”

If emissions continue to rise unabated, the scientists concluded, the probably of large-scale vegetative changes is greater than 60 percent. If nations succeed in meeting their 2015 Paris Agreement greenhouse gas mitigation pledges, the probability of large-scale ecological transformations is less than 45 percent.

“According to my preeeecise calculations, it’s all about a meaningless treaty. And of course, putting our guys in charge.”

 

In sports news, yesterday was the big cutdown day in the NFL. And just as Sloopy is obsessed with some Little League team or other, I am similarly so with the Baltimore Ravens, who finally gave up on Breshad Perriman (“He has has 4.2 speed and 5.6 hands.”) to the delight of the city. More interestingly, their rookie kicker found out the downside of playing for the Ravens- you have to be in Baltimore.

Ravens rookie kicker Kaare Vedvik suffered injuries in an assault and robbery that required him to be hospitalized. The Baltimore Sun reports that Vedvik was being treated at Maryland Shock Trauma Center. “We are aware that Kaare is being treated for head wounds and we are monitoring the situation,” the Ravens said in a statement.

When I worked at Johns Hopkins Medical School, one of things we were shown in orientation was a map of the area with a red line showing borders that one must not cross if life and limb are important. Apparently, this was not part of the Ravens’ orientation for players unfamiliar with the area.

 

Man, it has to be embarrassing to be a Catholic these days. Besides the constant stream of priest-fucks-boy scandals, there’s a pope who ignores the famous advice of St. Augustine and enthusiastically declaims on issues where he is totally ignorant but where there’s prog points to be scored.

“Sadly, all too often many efforts fail due to the lack of effective regulation and means of control, particularly with regard to the protection of marine areas beyond national confines,” the pope wrote. “We cannot allow our seas and oceans to be littered by endless fields of floating plastic,” Francis said. “Here, too, our active commitment is needed to confront this emergency.”

He also denounced as “unacceptable” the privatization of water resources at the expense of the “human right to have access to this good.”

You tell ’em, Frankie. More regulation, that’s what we need.

 

Keep it classy, Chicago. After a tragic fire on the West Side that killed ten kids (living in a somewhat, ahhhh, sketchy situation), their funeral was a massive and public spectacle. And in the finest Chicago tradition, it was dignified and solemn. Or maybe not.

Dozens of mourners spilled out of the front of the church onto Cermak Road, WBBM Newsradio’s Bob Roberts reported from the scene. The crowds gathered around the corner and half a block down Whipple Street before police came screaming in to restore order.

Mourners had already been seen flashing gang signs outside the church.

Not that this is an isolated thing, mind you. It’s a Chicago thing.

 

Old Guy Music yet again! And continuing the theme of old Jethro Tull in preparation for the dinosaur concert tomorrow, this song was of course an inevitable choice. If SP weren’t asleep, I’d give in to my itchy urge to grab my flute and play along. I love this tune.