I assume all you Glibertarian capitalist running-dog shitlords have the long weekend? I don’t. I have work that needs to be done Tuesday when the client gets back. Adding to the fun is that my company — because they are idiots — require that you take PTO on certain holidays, and furthermore my boss’s boss would have to approve me working on such a holiday. Labor Day being one. So I am not working Monday. At least I get one day off this long weekend. OTOH, college football is back! Tomorrow at noon I get to see if strip club fan Tom Herman — whose wife is totally cool with him going to strip clubs — can whip my beloved, benighted Longhorns into shape against a program that ran a player to death in conditioning drills. And then Monday night, the place I actually matriculated from is bring back the blackout uniforms to help the new (black) coach take on VaTech. Also, I will be rooting for Sloopy’s nemesis because fuck Notre Dame.

Never call the cops — celebrity edition. I love the writing: “Officers spoke to the woman for more than an hour and at one point she became combative.” Like, the point where they shot her?

I can’t wait to terrorize coworkers with a tele-presence robot. “Hey! Everyone else has coffee? Why don’t I get coffee?”

The Man is keeping an enterprising Florida Man down! “Police said the couple transformed a kitchen window into a drive-thru window because it didn’t want to draw attention by having customers regularly entering and exiting the home.” Genius!

Now that’s a good husband. “Metcalf later allegedly told authorities he had made the weapons over the course of four years because his wife was fearful of the government’s collapsing, according to KNXV.” 40 pipebombs. Outstanding, Marine!

Here’s a work song for the weekend.