The Finnish language and cultural concepts can be difficult for some people to understand. Luckily, I am here to help.


The Polar Bear, universal symbol of the meaninglessness of life

The Awkward Sauna, a feeling of dehydrated arousal

The Finnish Flag; or the universal symbol for bicuriousness in the rest of Scandinavia

The Reindeer, “Help me, I am dying. Please send medical aid.”

The Intoxicated Horse, “Help me, I am dying. Please send medical aid.”

The Bonfire, the specific sadness that there is only one person of color left to burn to death.

The Chorus, “The older men are now ready to be orally violated.”

Bipolar Disorder, a condition that worsens as you approach The North Pole.

The Ringed Seal, most often encountered on dating sites, indicates the user is only sexually attracted to sea mammals.

Coal Licker, “My bipolar disorder can only be cured by licking coal.”

The Whimsical Swastika, often used on dating sites to indicate a lack of interest in dating either of the Jews in Finland.

The Forest Half-Vulva, “I want to go almost all the way to third base with you in the woods.”

Sock and Sandals, “I am experiencing suicidal thoughts.”

The Penis Wizard, “I am a dead-eyed penis wizard.”

The Frozen Heart, “I must mourn my loved one that froze themselves to death in a suicide crevasse, please wait until next Spring before asking me out.”

Murder Boat, “I have been or are about to be murdered on a boat. Please contact the authorities.”