Let’s move onto something simple and seasonal. Cider. Cider is pretty easy to make, it requires cider (or fruit juice) and yeast. To make hard cider, find cider you like to drink (find ones without any preservatives other than ascorbic acid), and add yeast (this will happen naturally if you let it sit in an area that’s about 65 F but it’ll taste better if you select the yeast and pitch it). I’d recommend buying a batch of yeast from your local homebrew store (it’ll cost you about $8 assuming average prices). Put the yeast into your cider, slap on a sanitized airlock (you remember we talked about both of these things, right?), and let it sit for a couple of weeks. Keep in mind that everything that touches your cider needs to be sanitized, unless you want to make sours, which will be a much longer and involved series of articles.
How will you know when it’s done? Time for the next pieces of homebrewing equipment you’ll need. A hydrometer and a wine thief. The wine thief will be used to pull a sample of your fermented cider to test it with the hydrometer (remember to sanitize it). The hydrometer is a device that is used to measure the specific gravity of a liquid. Pure water has a specific gravity of 1.00. Alcohol has a lower gravity (about 0.78), and sugar adds to the specific gravity of a liquid. So those OG and FG written on brewery stats, and on the sides of some of your bottles, are just a measurement of the Original Gravity (measure of how much sugar was in to start) and the Final Gravity (measure of the specific gravity after fermentation). Keep in mind that hydrometers are calibrated to be used at a specific temperature, and if your liquid is a different temperature, you’ll have to adjust that. There’s lots of calculators online to do that math for you. With both the OG and FG of your beverage, you can figure out the percentage of alcohol. If (and only if) you sanitized your hydrometer and sample tube, you can pour the sample but it does increase the risk of infection. Most people just drink the sample (or pour it out).
But back to finding out when your cider is done fermenting, what you want are two readings, at least three days apart with the same gravity reading. Do not bottle without verifying that fermentation is done. Bottle bombs are a real thing, and can be very dangerous. Do not assume fermentation is done because you don’t see any airlock activity or bubbling in the cider.
If you want it to be carbonated, then you’ll need to add sugar at this point (here is a decent calculator, but assume just under an ounce a gallon). Take your sugar, and mix it with boiling water. Then add it to the cider (stirring with a sanitized spoon) and then bottle it. To bottle, you’ll need a siphon (points at the equipment article), and a bottling wand. Bottling wands are a tube with a spring loaded stopper at the bottom. Push it down, liquid flows out. Lift it off the bottom, the bottom locks up. If you’re using swing tops, mix your sugar into your fermented cider (with a sanitized spoon or your siphon), and then bottle. If you need to cap or cork your bottles, I’d recommend filling them all before doing that, or use an orphan assistant for the capping/corking. After that, let them sit for about 3-4 weeks in a room that’s close to 65 F so they condition up (fancy term for letting the yeast eat the extra sugar to make carbonation). Then put them in the fridge and enjoy.
Keep in mind, if you like your first batch, you can easily modify your second batch. Add simple things like ginger, cinnamon, cloves, or whatever. The longer you let the cider sit on the spices, the more flavor it’ll pick up. For your first attempt, I’d recommend no more than 1 tbsp. per gallon, it’s always easier to add more spice, or let it sit on the spices longer, but you can’t easily take the flavor out.
My horoscope said I’d be first.
The presence of a curious toddler has put a big crimp in my brewing for the past couple of years, but I used to do a recipe that’s been floating around the Internet for a while on various homebrew forums. I say recipe, but really it’s just five gallons of Mott’s, a pound or so of sugar, and champagne yeast. I’ve seen it referred to as “apfelwine”, but I suspect that’s being very, very generous. Still, it’s pretty tasty for something coming in at about $3 a gallon all said and done. Tastes pretty good still or carbed.
My curious toddler likes pushing on the top of the fermentation bucket and watching the bubbles come out of the airlock.
A chill just went down my spine as I pictured that. It got to the point where my dogs were afraid to be in the same room as large buckets for fear that I’d start yelling at them and chase them away.
Technically, that is correct. Apfelwine basically translates to Hard Apple Cider (literally Apple Wine), but it sounds more impressive because it’s German. If I found a cider that I liked (other then a couple of Spanish sour ciders), I’d probably put more time into making them. But don’t worry, a fellow Glib has offered to write up the more complex portions of the cider, wine, and mead realms.
My youngest nephew was curious about how I had taps in the wall. So my sister and I showed him kegs, and the duct where the tubes came down into the keezer on the other side of the wall.
Tasty!
OT: i found a rare photo of Warty driving to work.
The seats are wrapped in plastic. What is that all about?
Where is everyone? The comments have been slow as hell since thursday. Where is everyone? Dickin’ around at work? Screwing off with family? They are all supposed to be here entertaining me and not off wasting time.
Sick since Thursday you have been filling in just fine
Man, write up an article and that’s not enough for Suthenboy, he wants comments too. 🙂
I’m busy writing some navel gazing article
Working on a complex ebook that I severely underbid myself on because it’s for a client I’ve had for 8 years. Snowed in. Gnashing teeth. Hating my job right now.
Honey-Do’s
Not all of us lead the life of a land-owning, semi-retired southern gentleman, you know. For example, I had to wake my happy-ass up at 5:30am on Sacred Football Sunday, drive into an oncoming ice/snowstorm to finish up a project for a homeowner before the tile guys arrive on Monday, then slip and slide home. Made it all the way to the final step of the front entrance to my home then slipped and twisted my ankle.
Bah humbug.
Sorry. Have a drink. It’ll make it better.
Already working on it, good sir.
And sorry if that came across as bitchy, Suthen. What can I say? I’ve been a touch bitchy today. Nothing personal, honest.
Maybe take a midol too…
?
I see your Midol and raise you a Xanax. La-la land in about an hour or so, then wake up and dig the car out. Toodles!
They all have been spending time with family who is visiting from out of town. On a “completely unrelated” note ive been on here more than usual.
Most people just drink the sample (or pour it out).
The guy that used to own the local homebrew shop recommended always drinking the sample. He said, if something goes wrong, you’ll have a window for when it went wrong which will help you troubleshoot.
Nice article!
I made an apple beer once. I think I got the recipe out of Beeradvocate. It was pretty good.
I’ll usually take a sip of the sample to test for infection. But after dozens of batches, you start losing the excitement for drinking a flat, warm quarter pint of beer. 🙂 Another pro-tip is to always have a spare hydrometer, they’re relatively cheap and easy to break. If you want, you can spring for the more expensive (and easier to read) hydrometers in different ranges. I do use one for checking my FG.
I’ve got the next three of these written up at least to a draft level. At that point, we’ll get to extract beer.
Yesterday I related how my neighbors had kindly donated some persimmon seed to me. Today I stopped in and dropped of a bottle of muscadine wine to them. They informed me that they dont drink, so I explained that it was for cooking, not drinking.
I had written up some recipes that I was going to include with the bottle but…
My goddamned printer is out of yellow ink. One cartridge with a tablespoon of ink goes out and it wont print anything. It chews through cartridges like they are potato chips. Now I have to stop what I am doing and dig around for another cartridge….shit I dont have one…so now I really have to stop what I am doing and go to the fucking store????
The pack of cartridges are 60 bucks???? Every time I turn around this fucking thing wants ink. How about I throw it in the bayou instead? The shitweasels that designed this thing need to go with it, tied around their neck. It’s a fucking reservoir for ink. It should cost 5 bucks. It should be built in but removable for cleaning. I should be paying a few bucks for ink that comes in gallon jugs to refill the reservoirs. Seriously, fuck this thing and the horse it rode in on. That is the third time in a month it has done that to me.
Anyway, they seemed to like the wine.
Dump the inkjet printer and get a laser printer. It’ll only do black and white, but unless you’re doing photos, it’s the better way to go. Most of the modern inkjet printers are on the razor method of profits, give the printer away and make the money on the ink cartridges. That’s why they keep fighting against refill kits.
I have a color laser printer. Kinda expensive, but I’m still on the half-sized initial toner cartridges 3 years later. (Granted, they’re running out)
I don’t expect photo quality printouts, but i have no complaints about the results.
Color laser printers are another option, but the upfront cost usually scares people off. I used to have a cheap dye sublimation printer, which while the cartridges were expensive [per page], it also had some specialty colors (such as white, copper, silver, and gold) that you could print with.
^^^this. And the print doesn’t run as badly if the paper gets wet. Just replaced (perfectly fine still working) Brother with a duplex printing Brother laser. Love that feature.
My wife had an Epson photo printer for picture quality prints. It sits unused most of the time.
Don’t bother with photo printers. They’re notoriously finicky and don’t like to go unused.
Just use an online printing service instead like Adorama. It’s far cheaper and the results will be far better.
Photo printer perhaps is a bit of a misnomer. This is a higher end Epson for 17”x22” prints.
I’ve got one of those. Ouput was great for 6 months and then it went TU.
You don’t own a pencil? Unless your recipes require step by step color photos, I’d imagine five minutes of handwriting could save the trip to the fucking store and the accompanying headaches.
Just got an Epson Ecotank 4750. It was $400 up front, but I’ve been using it pretty heavily for my small business for 2 months and it’s still got 3/4 of the ink left, with another set of ink bottles it came with. Supposedly the two sets of ink is good for 2 years worth of printing. Of course it depends on how heavy your usage, but for home use it should last quite a while.
This post reminds me: time for starting a batch of fermented fruit for the Christmas/New Years cakes.
Yummy.
You like fruitcake?
Ewwwww.
It is NOT fruitcake; it’s a yellow bundt cake containing fermented cherries, pineapple, and peaches, plus walnuts/pecans. It is delicious.
There’s always leftover hooch to start the next batch.
Recipe, please?
Tomorrow!
She hangs out here.
For a second I was wondering why orphan assistant wasn’t referenced on the equipment list.
In unrelated cooking news, the stuffed shells are in the browning the mozzarella topping stage. And there’s the timer alarm now!
I like cider. Too frickin’ much. It’s good stuff, though. But I’d say use low sugar apples to start off with (e.g. Granny Smith)
OT1: looked up an old school friend of mine. He’s still pretty much a lefty, but he’s fighting for “school choice”. Respect. I have to get back in touch.
OT2: I was nasty to Spartacus earlier today when he announced he was a Gator (UF grad). It was meant as a joke, Spartacus. I was friends with Pro Libertate for years, and he suffered the same flaw of Gainsvillism. (Note: I got my Bachelors at FSU, if that wasn’t abundantly clear.) I was not serious about what I said.
If I liked it more, I’d be able to include more details about the apple varieties to use. There’s a few orchards around me. I have found a recipe that intrigues me for strawberry wine, but those won’t be in season until next Spring/Summer. The girlfriend likes cider, but not in quantities that it’s worth making her own (she’ll go through maybe a six-pack a month).
Damn. I didn’t think they grew that many apples in Ohio. I thought it was more of a Northeast/Northwest crop – (Maine & Oregon, mostly). Also, I don’t blame you for being kinda meh if you & your woman aren’t that much into it.
And almost anything berries is awesome. I have raspberries & blackberries in the fridge right now. Also, Granny Smith apples. (I’m just going to eat them, since you can’t make much cider from 2 apples)
I didn’t think they grew that many apples in Ohio
You never heard of Johnny Appleseed?
Northeast/Northwest crop – (Maine & Oregon, mostly)
There are apples here but Washington is a far larger apple producer. I’ve seen Washington apples in other coutries.
Hyperbole: I thought he was a crackhead.
Gustave: Oh, right – Oregon is potatoes & hippies.
Is Rhywun around?
If so, watching RBNY?
Is that on? I thought of hate-watching it but decided against.
They’re not playing poorly, but they’re swimming upstream against ATL. Bright side: it’s only the first leg.
They’re losing anyway.
If it makes you feel better, I got to watch the Orlando Lions last season. Yay
I don’t like either team so I don’t care one way or the other. The fact that it’s leg 1 is even more reason to skip it.
I’m pulling for SKC to win it all as I have personal and family connections to KC, so I’m pulling for RBNY to win this series as I think they’re the weaker opponent (in spite of them winning the Supporters’ Shield).
Other than loathing the NJ Red Bulls, I have no opinion on the whole bunch. Fuck it.
It’s MLS, which is going to be a joke as long as stars who can no longer play to the standard of the European leagues use it as a retirement tour.
(And that’s not good for the USMNT, either.)
That is less a thing than it used to be, and you’ll notice that the top teams do not include LA or NYCFC…. Most of the designated players now are youngsters out of Mexico or South America.
The USMNT sucks more for other reasons IMHO. Starting with an embarrassing lack of organization.
Fuck that “it isn’t as good as Europe” argument. Over half of Europe isn’t as good as the PL, BL, LL or Serie A. And even in those leagues most of the teams are far more worried about relegation than winning the damn league or playing UEFA/Champions.
Just like fuck the “have our own stadium” bullshit – look at Seattle and Atlanta. They seem to do alright in NFL stadiums. And NE still sucks in theirs.
I like some of the relegation battles more than many of the championship battles.
“The USMNT sucks more for other reasons IMHO. Starting with an embarrassing lack of organization.”
Gulati being out might help. The whole Klinsmann/Arena embarrassment was a major setback.
However, my theory has always been thus: they’re in a transitional period in which the best players are reliant on Europe vs. Domestic. The nature of this country is that we won’t be able to accept our development being dependent on foreign leagues (rightly or wrongly). We are awkwardly now trying to make MLS competitive on the level of top leagues (clearly not yet successful since Pulisic is still the top player). Some countries (Argentina, Brazil, etc.) can get away with exporting all their best players, but the American mentality precludes this IMO. Therefore, for the USMNT to be a permanent fixture, MLS has to improve to a top level. Not right now, but may happen in the next 10 or so years.
The “Wizards” were the first team I ever saw playing when I checked out MLS for the first time, after catching 2010 WC fever. They were playing on what looked like a high school field.
Things have changed considerably since then….
Just gave my notice at my job (boss is in India so email was the only way to go); it’s like breaking up with a girl who’s great in bed but a hotter girl with bigger tits is on deck. Got nothing against the current gal, but someone who’s got something you can’t offer came up. Sorry. I’d say it’s nothing personal, but it’s the definition of personal. We’ve all been rejected. It’s like Chris in the Morning says: either the equation’s balanced or it isn’t; and when it isn’t, it isn’t. No sense in trying to analyze it.
On the plus side of the equation, 30% more lucre, better benefits, more interesting work. Erection-inducing.
Congratulations!
Staying with the same employer is a sucker’s bet for advancement and pay.
/a sucker
Trying to decide if I wanna throw away $500 on a CETME to celebrate after I just paid $300 for a police trade-in Beretta 92.
Who am I kidding? I’ll do it. Just need a couple more Malbecs to make it happen.
I could use those Malbecs.
[splurged for a modest Gewürztraminer for Thanksgiving]
Order a couple cases of ammo too.
Congratulations!
Yay for Q! My job change was scary (complete with the move from Midwest to SoCal) but worth it so far.
Sometimes a big change is the only way to go.
The good thing is, if anyone really pisses you off, you can blow them to hell.
?
We’re not doing phrasing anymore.
No kidding.
Are you moving from bikini inspector to the head bikini inspector?
Congrats.
BP: Are we ever gonna get another SNP?
I understand it’s a lot of effort, so I get if the answer is no.
But I loved that feature of the site. Hilarious.
Q: I’ve had some computer issues, so it’s a challenge, but I definitely want to do more. I miss Becky, Cortez, Random Drunken Asshole, and obviously, SNP.
I really wanted to try to do some videos, but that was playing above my weight class.
I told you that if you provided the content I could help you brah.
I was thinking live action. But a cartoon SNP could be good.
Well, I do work in live action, but me not being on site would mostly put those skills at an advisory level. Although if we could find an efficient way to transfer video (I have really slow internet) I could do some editing as well.
Also, thanks.
I also liked that feature. It has been missed.
I miss dem titties.
mmm…titties
I watched Cincinnati play and lose like only Cincinnati can. Consequently, Im pretty drunk.
To the Browns on top of that. Sorry man, hope the alcohol is helping.
SLD: I didnt really expect Cincy to win, but I didnt expect them to play that shittily. But it makes a great excuse for a lot of beer.
I’m actually happy for the Browns this year; they’ve put together a not-so-bad team finally.
News on Dalton’s injury? Hope it isn’t too bad.
Backup has promise though.
I only heard speculation it was his thumb.
I keep wanting to call him Abby Dalton.
Shown actual size:
https://postimg.cc/DWH7yspz
Counterpoint.
https://smile.amazon.com/photos/share/1RRwcwcho7g9TJXP5GauIKMMLudAljIHiGGT2U9XPLN
Counter Counterpoint.
Awww, they are all cute.
This ain’t good.
Mmm…fuck, that ain’t good. Jesus, I hope we stay out of it.
I hope we can stay out it. Sometimes we don’t have a choice.
I also hope it doesn’t go any further than it has so far, but I also hope I win the lottery so my “hope” hasn’t had much success recently.
Ukraine could impose martial law after Russia fired on and seized three of its ships. Russia says the ships were crossing its waters illegally.
I don’t see why Russia would have a universal claim on that straight. And as someone of Ukrainian descent I am slightly perturbed by events there over the past few years.
After they took over Crimea, they owned the land on both sides.
But blocking a strait like that is a violation of international law. Egypt’s blocking of the strait at the end of the Gulf of Aqaba is one of the things that led to the Six-Day War.
So you’re saying this is going to end well. . .
Enh, China pulls this shit all the time and nothing else ever happens.
It’s like you don’t even want a “no-fly” zone.
OMG – Smowmaggeden tonight! 5-6″s of snow. Any moment now… any moment.
If the school doesn’t close – ha! – I’ll be driving into work with the Mustang, luckily just shod with some new winter tires. So no fear.
After 4 days off, a bit of the Sunday night blues. New IT director starting tomorrow and I have a meeting with him Wedneday. He doesn’t sound very tech so I can probably snow him over.
Not that it matters – some life changes coming next year.
You’re pregnant ?
???
Steelers get beat.
Ben looks like his ovaries are about to drop.
Life isnt terrible
Interception! I hope Roethlisberger cries.
Yeah, that was enjoyable. I’d have predicted that game wrong.
Sometimes it’s good to be wrong.
I was off pouring booze and drinking at one of the local brew-pubs. So I missed this one.
Great article, except for all the mistakes. 😉
Whelp, so much for hate-watching the TB Lightning. Goddammit. This isn’t how this is supposed to work.
Hmm, now I have to go look up the equipment article. This could be fun.
Because someone must speak for the yeast. Fuck off, slaver! Fermentation Justice Now!
I’m not a big fan of dry or fizzy ciders, so here’s how I do it.
Same cider, same yeast
If my cider was bottled such that it can be stored at room temp, I’ll just pitch the yeast.
If the cider needed refrigeration I’ll take a cup, warm it, and make a starter.
Instead of fermenting for weeks, I do so for 3 to 5 days.
Then siphon to a sanitized vessel (usually a second 1gal carboy) and stash in the fridge loosely capped to prevent the bottle bomb.
Once chilled enjoy.
It won’t be carbonated, but I don’t mind a still cider.
Fermentation will of course slowly continue in the fridge so it gets less sweet as time goes on, and it will probably be kinda cloudy but that’s alright.
I don’t mess with checking gravity or keeping a close watch on the room temperature or anything, so results aren’t exactly repeatable, but apart from sanitation fails, its hard to go wrong with such a simple method.